The All and The Nothingness
I’ve immersed myself in the study of my inner-workings, my
mind, my spirit, the divine, human potential, healing and the like for the last
5 or so years of my life. When one lives in this world, one hears many phrases
over and over again spoken as commonly as the words “the” and “and”. Phrases
like, “surrender”, “universe” and “be” are a few. They become somewhat trendy
like soy lattes and Uber. You hear them so much that they begin to have an intellectual
meaning at first. Then one day after years of marinating in your halo adorned noggin,
they hit you on a deeper level and you think, “Ohhhhhh, SURRENDER!” or “Wowwww,
UNIVERSE” or “Yeah!!!! I just need to BEEEEEEE.” I recently had one of those
moments with the word “nothingness”.
As a young (super young) and curious woman in the Los Angeles
spiritual community, my well-meaning self would hear the phrase, “We are
everything and nothing at the same time.” I’d then put my fist gently under my
chin like a scholar, slowly bobble-doll-nod my head and agree with my peers
saying things like, “Yeah, totally, we are all and nothing at the same thing.” (what?!)
Until recently, I realized that maybe I actually had no idea of what that might
look like. But last week I got a deeper glimpse. One of those aha moments. And
I am so very lucky.
Because I’m aware of many of my judgments and belief systems,
I see what goes on in my head a lot. (Yikes, bikes) Sometimes, I don’t know
what to do or not to do with them, but I see them nonetheless. In these
instances, I bring my bag of Halloween goodies (tis the season) to an outside
source to help me see what I can’t see myself. (Like what I do for other
people.)
Things trigger us all, but what I like to do is get curious
about those pings and pangs I feel. They are just thought in the form of
emotion. What is this? Is this thought since it feels like a smelly baby diaper
would smell? Do I need to trust this? Sadly, many people aren’t taught to question
these feelings. They trust everything in their heads. Schools don’t teach that
most of what goes on up there is useless and fleeting and just moving energy. Most
thoughts aren’t true because they are coming from fear. My hope for you is to
get curious too. When you shed the light on the monsters, you see they were
only a shadow. Every. Time. Because, well, simply put, there is only love. And
if we aren’t seeing things that way, our mind is just out of control.
Getting back on track…EARTH to Jamie!
I used to do a lot of digging around in my beliefs around
success and I’d ask myself, “What would it feel like if I had everything I
wanted and people judged me but I just didn’t care.” Well, I would feel free.
But with that feeling of freedom came this sense of nothingness. Like, there
would be nothing else to “achieve”. (Ah, Thank you ‘American Dream’ for that
one.) It felt as though in that space things would cease to exist or some how
spiral out of control. Or that there would be nothing else to do there and how
can you do nothing? It was as if my ego needed to be doing to feel satisfied.
And then it hit me. Oh my soul! The nothingness I’m
describing is peace. Nothingness is who we are! It’s our true nature. It’s the
peace people speak of. The nothingness is peace! Our true state is connected to
everything at once. It’s the nothingness. Nothingness is peace.
Holy cow, how sneaky the ego is. Peace was right in front of
my face and it was making me feel uncomfortable. I was questioning it left and
right. Trying hard to stay out of that space when all I desperately wanted was
to have that peace. I already am that peace. I just needed to remember it! And
feel it and know what it was. So, now I recognize when I feel that and I
acknowledge it. When I’m slowed down and not needing to control or ‘do’, I’m
just being. Being inspired and taking action from that place. Being in the
moment. Just being. Whistling do re me as I walk the dogs. Laughing at myself.
Kissing long and hard. Feeling music in my bones. Our mind may come back on
line in these moments sometimes and feel a little funny because our mind tries
to keep us safe based on past experiences it has associated to something
uncomfortable related to that peace. But just noticing that this is what it is
doing is usually enough for those thoughts to pass and fade. As I like to shout
on the mountaintops, “It’s all about awareness.”
My wish for you is if you have a sense of this nothingness I
speak of, sit with it longer. Let it be your normal. It’s your home base. Let
it be uncomfortable and then let it get more comfortable and then let it be so
peaceful you become the next trendy guru who rides an Uber while drinking a soy
latte. Marinate there as often as possible. No need to force it. Just trust it.
It’s you. It’s me. It’s all of us. The all and the nothing. Now, how cool is
that?